Watching a movie with my husband last night that I really didn’t want to watch because of the genre, I knew that there would be scenes and images that I didn’t want to be disrespected with. I’m not thin, nor is my “upper detailing” a wow-factor. I’m on the thicker side of things. And he’s never accepted that about me. After Mentioning my feelings about the movie and my funk to him today, I received, “You need to get over that one.”
But I believe that I don’t need to “get over it” per se because I don’t like being disrespected by my husband getting excited by what he’s seeing. (I can tell when he’s being affected, even if he’s trying to pretend that he isn’t.) Needless to say it put me in a funk that lasted until this morning.
I shot up out of bed, with a stay out of my way attitude, cleaned up, and curled my hair, got suited and booted for this breezy Cali day, and started to walk out the door when I heard, “Wait! I’ll walk out with you.” Mind you I thought he was asleep. And while getting ready I felt confident and feisty. And I didn’t want to interact too much because I was really feeling steamed concerning the night before. Well, I felt a little more wounded than steamed, but you get the idea. However, he really wanted to walk out with me. So he did. And wanted to show me where and how to check all my fluids. (Huh?! I know how to do this. And I’m in a maxi-dress, with a respectable V-front; not exactly checking-the-fluids attire dear.) Maybe he wanted to watch me lean over to sneak a peak at the upper details? Maybe he appreciates my thickness more than he cares to admit. Maybe I was just looking good. Who knows. All I was concerned about was leaving to do what I needed to do!
I wanted to look my best. Looking back on it as I’m writing this, I think I was doing everything I knew of in order be noticed-and not necessarily by my husband either. I really put forth an effort to attract attention today, whether from my husband or someone else. Ridiculous. I know.
And arriving at my final destination this morning, I took out the book that my daughter and I have been reading together, with her women’s group. I opened it to the chapter we’ll be discussing tonight, and I see the title,
“Appearance-How She Adorns Herself.”
“Girls Gone Wise In a World Gone Wild,” is a book about the spirit of influence and the condition of a woman’s heart-we’re either lead by the Holy Spirit, or lead by the enemy. And that’s so true. But when I saw the title, and the caption below,
“She adorns herself in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control,” ~ 1 Timothy 2:9.
(Dang it! Ouch! I thought to myself, as I figuratively rubbed my back-side.)
It was as if I had been punched in the stomach, or had been given a swat! I realized that all morning I had been putting forth effort in the wrong direction. Me-a Worship Team member, an intercessor, a Youth Group sponsor, and overall Jesus Freak-had allowed myself to be so consumed with superficial things! Before I could finish kicking myself in the butt, a thought came to me. Well, not just a thought, but a picture. A picture of a woman putting her effort into going against her grain in order to appease, appease, and/or catch a man who doesn’t want a wise woman, but rather wants the girl-gone-wild type. What if some women could be with a man who wants a girl gone wild. And she by nature isn’t, but she bends over backwards trying to impress the wrong type of man, or people. If that’s the case, maybe we need to start being the woman God’s created-being true to THAT self-verses going against God’s Word and purpose for our lives.