Yesterday morning I woke up with such a cloud hanging over me, felt like the spirit of depression had been sent and was on a mission with my name on it. “Clinical Depression”? Nope. I knew what this was and I was blind-sided. It literally woke me from a dead sleep. You that heavy feeling in your chest type of sadness. My husband even tried to get me to talk to him about it, but I refused thinking that he wouldn’t understand, nor would be the husband that I needed. So I shut him out. From the moment I got up, until late afternoon, I just couldn’t shake it, until…
I would have to say it was approximately 3:45’ish when I suddenly got a picture of myself on the floor, kneeling, and praying. It had been eons since I’ve prayed in that posture. And my middle daughter was in the living room with me, and I “didn’t want to seem like I was wanting attention.” (Ever heard that sentence when you knew the Holy Spirit was leading you to do something?) But I didn’t care, I had turned off the t.v. hours before, and had my worship music going in my earphones. I tossed that image around for a few moments then decided “the heck with it,” and dropped to my knees, using my computer chair as an altar.
A sweet presence flooded me on the inside the moment I got to my knees. However that cloud wasn’t giving up without a fight. My spirit felt so heavy and I was hurting and disappointed over my car not being very drivable, some other family issue that I won’t mention now. I really didn’t know what to pray to make this heaviness go away. But it soon left when I started praying in tongues! (I’m not going to take the time to explain what that is. Forgive me.) I was listening to Philips, Craig and Dean, “Let the Worshippers Arise,” and don’t know how loud I was praying.
Some minutes had gone by when I found myself standing in the middle of the room, praying over the atmosphere. I noticed that my daughter had left the room, yet I knew seeing my pray like this wasn’t disturbing her. (She understands me and has her own relationship with the Lord. It might have blessed her seeing me pray like that-it had been years since she had seen me do so.) The tears of deep sadness were replaced with tears of love for my Jesus, and I continued to pray over my home and my husband in particular. It was as if I was being directed, and I prayed over his bed, where he works, our living room area, where my girls sleep, and prayed over our kitchen area. Praying over our front entrance, I had just placed a hand on the front-door frame when my husband came back in. It startled me because I can usually hear him approaching the door. But I was so involved with what the Holy Spirit was having me do.
I started getting ready, but didn’t know what I was getting ready for. My car isn’t drivable enough to go to the Bible study my daughter and usually go to on Thursdays, and I knew my husband wouldn’t take us. But I kept getting ready. A little bit of make up and casual dress, and I was finished. Ready to go. “Where am I going, Lord?” (In the back of my mind, I had a feeling that I was supposed to go to this particular event, with the expectation of meeting the Lord there. But I brushed that off. Don’t ask me why.)
When my husband came home and startled me at the front-door, my daughter still hadn’t returned to the living room. My husband said that he had an idea, but wanted to wait until our daughter came back in the room. After flopping herself back on the sofa, he proceeded to tell us that we could take his car to go to our event. (Say what?!)
- He has never offered the use of his vehicle to us before
- I had completely forgotten about The Katinas concert that night. (The Katinas area Contemporary Christian group that we have listened to for over 10 years. And my girls really like them as much as I do.)
I was excited about getting the chance to go, but my daughter had other plans. So we were trying to hash it all out, when I felt completely comfortable giving up going to the event so that my daughter could go to her ministry event. “Just drop me off at the Bible study. It’s ok.” But my daughter was very concerned that she would hear me complain in regret later and was insistent on taking me to the event. I didn’t want my husband to complain about too much gas usage, and snapped at my daughter, “Stop woryying!” I felt badly about snapping at her because she was trying to look out for my best interest.
Disappearing into the bathroom, I overheard my husband talking to her. Thinking he was trying to help her understand why I snapped, I didn’t pay any attention. Then a second or so later, my daughter burst into the bathroom, beaming! She said, “Dad told me to drop you off at the event, and pick you up when I’m done with my thing.” For my daughter and I, the very fact the my husband was being this way was a huge blessing because as a rule he’s not so. (I know some of you will not understand the significance. You’ll just have to take my word that this was a huge doing from the Lord.)
So my daughter dropped me off at the event, and I completely didn’t know that it was a local National Day of Prayer event and The Katinas were going to lead us for the Worship Service.
No sooner than I sat down, that a woman behind me engaged me in short conversationen. And when we shook hands, I was struck with a feeling that she had just prayed over me, and will remember me in her prayers for some time. I was fighting back tears. The atmosphere was so thick with the Lord’s presence. I believe I had been getting myself ready to meet the Lord and didn’t know it because I just thought it was going to be a concert.
The worship service was incredible, and the message was more than I had expected. Then were supposed to break up into small groups and pray over the issues that were printed on our handouts. But I noticed that I was by myself at that point. And I didn’t care. I did the same there as I had done in my living room a few hours before-prayed in tongues, laying my hands on the issues that were printed. When we were lead to pray for families, a damn burst and I started praying for families such as mine. Although nameless to me,they are not nameless to God. I somehow knew that there were families going through similar situations. The presence of the Lord was all over me. We continued praying for several other issues. And my daughter made it to the event in time enough to join in the worship at the end. I felt so light! That heaviness was gone and I felt “the fight” return to my spirit again!
I don’t know what she saw on my face. But she was really happy that she was able to take me.
Upon getting into my bed, I mentioned to my husband, “It’s good that the the end of the day is different from the way it had started out.” He smiled.
Why am I posting this? Maybe somebody needs to read what I went through, and what the Lord did for me.
I love you guys. Have a great weekend! 😀