My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline,
    and don’t be upset when he corrects you.
For the Lord corrects those he loves,
    just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights. ~ Proverbs 3:11&12

Have you ever read God’s Word and felt like you just received a whoopin’?

My dear brothers and sisters, how can you claim to have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people over others? ~ James 2:1

It’s been a funky few days.  And I wasn’t able to put my finger on the reason why.  So today I just got up, and got ready to leave out early.  I didn’t even have a devotion, or prayer time.  NOTHING.  Just got dressed and left.  Not being able to go to church Wednesday night might have something to do with the funk because I love serving the Lord.  And I wasn’t able to shake that feeling of disappointment.  (I guess that’s what it was.)  So upon getting up this morning, I was cocked and ready to fire, mumbling and grumbling in my spirit about this-and-that.

So arriving at my destination, getting ready to post, I drew a blank.  I had nothing. My spirit was dry.  It’s an awful feeling to be in that place.

Photo Courtesy of: http://features.cgsociety.org/stories/2007_05/spidee/im17.jpg
Photo Courtesy of: http://features.cgsociety.org/stories/2007_05/spidee/im17.jpg

Although it was nothing you I could see, to me, it literally felt like a tangible “icky blob” that I couldn’t get rid of.  Similar to the black blob in the Spiderman movie.

Since I could think of nothing to write, I went to my Bible app on my laptop and couldn’t think of a place to start reading.  After many minutes, it finally occurred to me to pray but I could only ask forgiveness for my ugly attitude.  When there is unacknowledged sin, it can really weigh heavily on a person and you won’t know why, until the Holy Spirit reveals it to you.  At least that’s how it’s been for me.

So the book of James popped into my spirit and I went there.  I read how we shouldn’t say that God sends temptations (James 1:13), and immediately somebody who calls me when things are going wrong with her husband came to mind. So I sent her a text message with the verse.  Ministry right?  Hmm.

Then I read James chapter 2 and verse 1, the second quote at the beginning of this post.  Only a few people came to mind when I read that verse.  However, so many emotions came along with it.  Inside, I went to town on them.  I suddenly had a picture of myself, standing in the front of my church, preaching and calling people out.  For these short minutes I went from remembering the feeling of hurt from these people, to outright anger.

Trying to shake it, I turned on my Spotify, and started a William McDowell playlist.  I heard Anthony Evans version of “How He Loves Us,” and “Here I Am To Worship,” by a Gospel group I’ve never heard of.

Looking out the window it hit me,

~You cannot worship Me and judge others at the same time.

I couldn’t even argue or try to justify myself because I do have a heart after God and know that I’m called to ministry.  So being confronted with my sin, I couldn’t say anything except, “Lord forgive me.”  And a song came on, “I Won’t Go Back.”  And in the middle of that song playing, there was came direction to write about all this. And I didn’t want to.  It’s far too personal, and nobody’s business.  But He loves us, not just me. And wants all of us set free from our sin(s)-whatever the sin(s) may be. Judging each other is probably the one of the most prevalent sins in the Body of Christ.  Just as how I was treated was wrong, by those I thought should no better, it’s just as wrong to hold that against them.  It’s not our place.  We’re not God.

Writing this post, I feel a hard place softening up.  Our Savior is so faithful and just to forgive us! 😀

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4 thoughts on “Ouch!

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