Feeling kinda heavy and gloomy today.
Ever have an argument with one of you children and afterwards feel guilty about having lost your temper? I didn’t realize I still had such an anger management issue.
It started over something very trivial, and instead of being the bigger person and letting go, I let the initial “yuck” fester to the point of seriously loosing my temper on my daughter. I was so angry that I left the house and went down to the beach, and didn’t have any intentions on coming back until my daughter left for her outing.
As humans, at times, I guess, we feel justified in loosing our temper, but the guilt is a very heavy price. And the enemy has a field day in situations like that too. Talking in our ear, planting “what ifs,” trying to make the situation seem worse than it may actually be.
We made amends later Saturday evening. However, I still felt so awful about my side of it all that I almost didn’t go to service on Sunday. I wouldn’t want to hurt my kids for anything, and the thought that I hurt my daughter with my temper was too much for me to handle because I knew I should have handled the beginning of the argument differently.
I have no idea where that temper came from. As I said earlier, I thought that part of me wasn’t an issue anymore. Maybe my spirit man was suffering from not having had a private devotion in many weeks. Yeah I listen to my worship music, but it’s not the same as being in the Word, and cultivating my prayer life. I’ve been lazy in that regard. And all I know is that I hate these types of family moments. Having a sensitive loving heart makes dealing with these situations more difficult for me than for others.
But it’s a new day, right? And I believe that the Lord can heal any situation. So, there isn’t anything that I need to be worried about or feeling guilty about.
What’s my point with all of this? I’m a mom who loves Jesus. And that doesn’t mean that I’m some super-human. I’m flawed. And sometimes, life will be ugly. And I need to learn to stop feeling guilty about things that go wrong. I’m still loved. I’m still forgiven. And I need to treat others, including my family, with that knowledge of Love and Forgiveness.