Christmas Confession

 {Originally posted on my Instagram: @hodgepodge4thesoul} ©Hodgepodge 4 the Soul™ - 2015 - All Rights Reserved

                               ©Hodgepodge 4 the Soul™ – 2015 – All Rights Reserved

My youngest and I put this tree up a couple of nights ago. Isn’t it pretty? 🙂  It’s the first one, in over 6 years.  There’s something about the lighting that makes the room feel cozy.  And it really looks good in the new place too! 🙂

With the new place, comes new challenges.

We’re having to lean on God and trust Him for every little thing.  (Not that we didn’t before, it’s just at a completely different level.)  And living by faith has been alienating because of all the shifting in relationships that has been going on, too.  Some get it, some don’t.  And I’ve wondered,

“Where have you lead me to?”  

Recently, there had been times I found myself questioning if the new place really is of Him, or if it’s something we made happen on our own.  (The enemy is good at trying to deceive us and make us second-guess the Lord.)  

But the Holy Spirit will quickly remind me that it really is a blessing from the Lord and then I’m fine again.

TBH, as the kids say, I started question whether or not there really is a call of God on my life.  I started getting discouraged because of people I think who I think should recognize it, don’t-family members, people at church, etc.  For some reason, for a long a long time, I would allow the judgment of others to knock me down, especially since the separation.  It’s been weird living in a new place without the person I had been with for over 2 decades.

“How can I be used if my marriage is such a wreck?”

Last night I randomly turned to t.v. to a Christian channel.  Bishop T. D. Jakes was speaking about his humble beginnings. His opening sentence floored me!  He described my current situation by speaking about his own.  And as he spoke about the lessons he learned, and the change of perspective that he gained, I felt rejuvenated and was encouraged to continue being about my father’s business-wherever I may be.  It overwhelmingly occurred to me that I’m in a new harvest field-the new neighborhood and new neighbors who the Lord wants to love through me.  It should have been more of a realization before right?  For me it wasn’t because it got pushed back by all the distractions I that I had allowed.

Just like the Christmas tree lights overcoming the darkness to bring sweet warm light, is what I want Jesus to do-shine through me. I no longer want to live my life according to how others think I should be living it.  I don’t want to be lead by others’ worries for my life-worrying how this will work out, or how this bill will be paid.  It’s debilitating living that way.  I know I’m free from those kind of worries because I know who I am in Christ.

Why am I all of a sudden confessing all of this, after many weeks of silence?

Maybe to be an encouragement to someone else with a call of God on his, or her, life.  I’m finding out that even in “the Body,” there will be those who will not understand why I do what I do.  And that’s ok… 🙂

 

 

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