‘Spending time with Jesus became an after thought.’
Yesterday was a full day of discovery for me. As I was logging in, preparing to do some more refining, I saw a post that caught my eye, then saw another, and saw yet another. To be honest, they didn’t catch my eye as much as the Lord used them to grab my heart. “Liking” from the reader is what I usually do, in order to interact more quickly but I couldn’t bring myself to do that yesterday. And instead of merely “liking” the posts from the reader, I wanted to leave a footprint on the sites-be neighborly. There was something about these 3 posts that were not leaving me alone.
As I read, I was feeling my heart melt and felt my spirit coming back to life. If that weren’t blessing enough, one of the authors let me know that she prayed for me. And if that weren’t enough to get my attention, there came the 3rd post, “Feed Your Spirit, Don’t Starve It!”
The title alone was a slap, as if the Holy Spirit said, “Snap out of it!” (Cher in “Moon Struck)
Had I been starving my spirit?
I could’ve made excuses, but I had to admit, I had been starving my spirit. Absolutely nothing should keep me from interacting with my Jesus-NOTHING! A bad attitude from a church member, a bad attitude from a daughter or two, an almost-argument, or false accusation shouldn’t keep me from the One who loves me the most. Missing my grandparents was the excuse I was using lately-my late Mother-in-Law, to. They loved me unconditionally-I mean really loved me. I could be myself without feeling the need to “dumby myself down.” And I had been feeling deprived of that.
(If I’m gonna be really honest, I was somewhat upset at God for allowing my grandparents to be taken from me. How dare I, right? No I’m not condemning myself, I’m just being real.)
I also could’ve used the excuse of being tired of doing church. But all of that doesn’t negate the fact that I knew better. All those excuses became more important than my relationship with Jesus.
After all, He loves me more than my grandparents and I CAN be myself with Him. He knows me inside and out. He’s wired me. How could I have been so foolish as to think that I could “run this race” and do what it takes to help me run it? Spending time with Jesus became an after thought. Looking for work, doing church, and the new family dynamic became more important to the point of starvation. And I didn’t know it. Maybe some of what I thought was ill-feelings from others, could have been my mis-perceptions because of being Spiritually malnourished. (But you know there are some attitudes that need adjusting in the church body-just sayin’.) I had nothing to draw from. The songs I was listening to weren’t doing it for me, either. There’s a lot to be said for living for Jesus on your knees, and being in His Word. Worship & praise music have their place-don’t get me wrong. But putting forth the effort to commune with Jesus is essential for a healthy Christian life.
I suppose being an intercessor makes the enemy want to come after me more. But I still should have known better than to starve my spirit!
Thank You, Father for revealing to me the damage that I was doing to my spirit. And I thank You, too, for my beautiful sisters You used to minister to me yesterday. In Jesus’ precious & mighty name I pray-Amen.