A Diary Entry, Or Fictitious Ramble – You Choose

It’s a waste of your time, energy and just plan stupid! That’s what she should have told herself several years ago.  But being as stubborn as she is she probably wouldn’t have listened. The choice to have an affair wasn’t something she woke up deciding to do.  But as the marriage started falling apart, it did seem to be easily justifiable.  Feeling vulnerable, unloved, lonely and possibly a little insecure, this anointed woman found comfort in the conversation with this stranger she had met online.  Years of verbal and physical abuse certainly didn’t help the self-image problem she faced.  It seemed to be easier to be herself with someone she thought that she would never meet face to face.

She was able to express herself and not have to downplay any aspect of her personality or character. Loosing her temper, and voicing her opinion without fear of being ridiculed  was a breath of fresh air. Being totally herself was so easy to do with this man she thought that she would never see face to face.  At least she hoped to not meet face to face because in her mind,  one look and he’ll run the other direction.  After all, if her own husband found her size repulsive, it was difficult to imagine any man finding her attractive.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and this casual conversation started growing into something that she didn’t see coming.  Was she really falling in love with someone else?

How could she had been so easily sweet-talked out of her scruples?  If you were to ask her that question now, she might not be able to give an answer.  But back then, her answer might have been that it felt nice feeling pretty for the first time in a very long time.  And all the while, in the back of her confused mind, she deeply wished that this feeling was coming from her husband.  She didn’t want the marriage to fall apart, but it did.  She didn’t want her kids to see her going through all these changes, but they did.

They finally met face to face, and as time went on, it seemed to her that they were becoming a couple.

As this new relationship grew, what touched her the most was the how strongly she felt the tug of the Lord.  Still!  In the mess of this so-called love life, the Lord continued to keep His hand on her – daily reminding her how special, valuable, and beautiful she was because He made her so.  He even gave her pricks in her spirit about this new man she was involved with.  She really did know her Sheppard’s voice but she was so consumed with being “wanted” that she didn’t break it off with him like she should have.


Now, a few years have gone by and this relationship too has fizzled and died – neither one of them wanted to be the one to say it.  There is still a separation concerning the marriage, but she and her husband still speak to each other, although living at different residences.  She and her girls have struggles but they get through them.  The upcoming 25th wedding anniversary is looming and it does weigh heavily on her heart.  However, she has finally realized that her value and femininity don’t come from any man – they come from the Lord.  It’s because of Jesus that she knows she is fine – in every sense of the word.


©Hodgepodge 4 the Soul™ – 2016 – All Rights Reserverd


4 Replies to “A Diary Entry, Or Fictitious Ramble – You Choose”

Share Your Thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s