Have you ever been so consumed with work or life, that it takes you away from your passion or even your prayer life?
Around January, I started a new job. Well, to be honest I was offered a new job out of the blue and I accepted right on the spot. Normally, I would take a day or two to pray and consult the Lord, but I made this decision all on my own, hoping that He would bless it. Work hours kept me from home, family, church, my devotional time and even my from my intercessory time.
Along comes March, at a friend’s house party/family gathering, I was asked for my phone number. My husband and I had ceased talking. He had changed his mind about trying to work things out, or so I thought. So I thought, what could it hurt? There’s nothing wrong with talking. But what started out slow, suddenly esculated and I found myself completely lost, not recognizing who I had become. Sure, some people would say that I was justified in my actions, being pushed away and strung along by my estranged husband. However, my relationship with the Lord was the most important in my life, but my actions for three months said otherwise. My youngest noticed that I “looked happy.” I thought I was in love, but in the back of my mind I was wishing the my marriage would have worked out. Quitting was never an option for me, but I thought it was out of my hands. I can’t make someone want or love me. So, I allowed what I thought was a blessing, to be cultivated.
Feeling pretty and wanted by a man became more important than my Jesus.
I wrote a couple of pieces during this time. I felt so far away the Lord and from the person He was molding and I wondered if this was how David felt when he was running and writing his feelings in the Psalms.
“Beware of flattering lips” (Psalm 12:2), and “…guard your heart…” (Proverbs 4:23), would come to my spirit a lot during that time. I had read the verses before but didn’t really pay them any mind because I thought to myself, “I got this! I don’t need any help with THAT.” My arrogance was my downfall, if even for a short period of time.
Three Sundays ago, I heard a message at church entitled, “Where are you?” The message was referring to the Garden of Eden, after Adam and Eve had eaten from the Tree of Good and Evil, and had hidden themselves in the Garden.
“And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?” ~ Gen. 3:8-9
It felt as though the entire service was meant to get my attention. How much our Savior loves us! There was a small prayer in the back of my mind,
“If this relationship is not of You, just make it end.”
Within two weeks God did just that. Seriously, the “relationship” completely stopped without me having to say a word. At first it hurt because I wear my heart on my sleeve. But the more I stay in the Lord’s prescence the more my spirit gets strenthened.
Being transparent isn’t easy and I wasn’t sure about sharing this because I don’t like pitty, or judgement, yet I understand that it’s not about me, but it’s about Jesus and the ones He wants to touch through me, and what He is leading me to do.
One the most comforting reminders is that our Savior is a jealous God and will not allow anything to come between us. He will literally fight for me. And He fights for you too.