When I Surrendered

Well, here it goes…

I was raised catholic-abused by my dad, physically, and emotionally-and sometimes by my mom. I liked being at my Grandma & Grandpa house. Always afraid to go home when my parents came to get me. My grandma would read to my brother and me from the Bible. Daniel and the lion’s den, the fiery furnace. How GOD created the world, the birth of JESUS and HIS resurrection. I even remember, how I was little and I would fall asleep listening to my grandma praying for my brother and me when we would spend weekends with them in. I think because of all those moments I grew up believing in GOD and JESUS, but I just didn’t know that I needed to accept HIM as my LORD and SAVIOR. And that I could have my sins forgiven-I didn’t even know what being a sinner was when I was growing up-not until I was 19-20 years old. I just had this feeling that “the catholic way” wasn’t quite right. As I grew older, my grandma would try to talk to me about going to church. And when I was little, I would go with her. But when I became an older teen, 17-19, I didn’t want to go to church because, as I told my grandma one time,

‘I already believe in GOD. I don’t need to go to church to hear some man tell me that I need to believe in HIM.’

At the time, I had next to no Bible instilled in me, except for going to church for Easter and Christmas services. The Easter after I turned 13 years old, and in the 8th grade, my mom and I watched a mini series called “JESUS of Nazareth.” And I remember feeling so hurt and being so moved that JESUS died on the cross for me. That mini series seemed so real to me, that I thought I was watching a documentary. I, also remember, thinking,

‘If only all of what HE had to go through hadn’t happened, HE would have still had a chance to live!’

But now I know how foolish that thought was. HE was supposed to die on the cross and get beaten and rejected.

October 1989

Started attending College and started working at the local mall. I et a girl in my English Lit. class. She was a Christian and she would invite me to a Christian club that would meet once a week. But I wasn’t interested in hearing anything if it wasn’t catholic. Funny, I told my grandma that I didn’t want to go to church, but at the same time, I didn’t want to hear anything against the way I was raised either. How ignorant I was. Now, I know that IT has absolutely nothing to do with a denomination, but with a personal relationship with JESUS CHRIST.

But this one particular day, when she invited me, I decided to go. I was in the Girls Glee Club in High School. I loved singing and still do. (I know now that it means a lot to the LORD who we sing to. It has to be to HIM or not at all.) So, when the group’s leader announced that the club’s worship team had open practices once a week, I went ahead and attended the practices. I enjoyed it. For some reason, I couldn’t understand why I felt so at home with all of these new people! Even the club meetings, when the BIBLE was read, the atmosphere was wonderful. When I sang with the group for the first time at one of the meetings, Stacy introduced me to a GENTLEMAN. He commented on how much he liked the sound of my voice. (And I liked the sound of his speaking voice! It blew my mind! I wasn’t saved at the time yet so, forgive the sidetrack. LOL). We started going out a short time after. He noticed that I wore a medal, pendant around my neck of the Virgin Mary. He started preaching to me about how the only way to get to heaven is through JESUS. I didn’t know that JESUS was and is the only way to HEAVEN because growing up the way I did, the Catholic Priests would always preach about what was going on in the world (news), and from the same little booklets that sat at the end of the benches. So, needless to say, I thought the reason he was giving me a “hard time” was because he was a control freak. Not so at all. He was concerned about my salvation because he started falling for me. (the feeling was mutual.) I had told Larry about my grandma and the cancer she was battling and he said that he would keep her in prayer. I appreciated that very much. And, apparently, he was praying for my salvation, too, but just didn’t tell me that piece of info. He would, also, tell me how important is, if you’re going to listen to or do ANYTHING musical, IT MUST BE FOR THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AND NONE OTHER because music is a form of worship. And if we don’t worship HIM whom are we worshiping? Larry was a musician/song writer back in the day, and music was his EVERYTHING until he got born again (accepted JESUS into his life and heart.) So, the issue of music and worship was, and still is, very important to him.

Spring 1990

Grandma was in the hospital, dying form breast cancer. She was diagnosed in 1989. I remember having thoughts about my grandma dying form the cancer. (After she died, I thought that it was my fault because of the thoughts that I had had.) After arriving home form classes one after noon, just as I came in the doorway, my mom told me that grandma was doing a little better. She said that,

‘Ever since I got the candle, she’s been doing better.’

Then, it was as if I was put in a slow motion scene in a movie. Everything was in slow motion as I walked from the front door to the couch. And the words my mom had spoken echoed in my head. When I got to the couch and turned to sit, and as I sat, I heard,

‘IT’S NOT THE CANDLE. IT’S ME.’

And when I was on the cushion, it was as if some sort of film had been taken off my eyes and THE ENTIRE ROOM LOOKED DIFFERENT TO ME! Everything looked brighter and more vivid. So, to make a long story short, a few nights after that experience, I was watching a TV station called TBN. (My grandma used to watch it). And I accepted JESUS as my LORD and SAVIOR, sitting on the couch in the living room.

~Spring 1991

In exactly the same season as he and I met, fell in love, and he lead me to the LORD, we were married. March 31, 1991, which was EASTER SUNDAY.

~Present (2013)

Since then, I have learned a lot about forgiveness-forgiveness of my sins, forgiving others. Including, forgiving my mom and ESPECIALLY, my dad for how he treated me while growing up. And even forgiving myself. I’ve learned over the past 18 years or so, that being a Christian is an everyday life style. We are like babies when we first come to HIM. And then, the more we read the BIBLE (HIS Words), and the more we keep our minds on what is good for our spirits, we grow and mature in our everyday life style. But it will take time because we all make mistakes and fall short of being perfect. But one of the great things about knowing HIM as your SAVIOR is that we can ALWAYS ask for forgiveness, and HE WILL. Now, keep in mind that we all have lessons to learn, too. There are some things in our lives that we have to stop doing. And there are some things that we will need to start doing. And the more that you trust that HE KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU, you will begin to know HIS voice and HE will direct your life. This is true if you just came to the LORD right now, or if you have been walking with HIM for years. No one person “has it made.” Not until we get to HEAVEN will ANYONE be perfect.

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41 Replies to “When I Surrendered”

  1. AMEN-AMEIN!! Praise HIM Christ Jesus-Yeshua Hodgepodge 4 the Soul™!! GOD BLESS You in Christ Jesus-Yeshua and Your Family and Friends!!💕💙 Thanks so much for Sharing Your Testimony!!

    May our ONE TRUE GOD the FATHER who art in HEAVEN ABOVE BLESS all my Sisters and Brothers in Christ Jesus-Yeshua and Your Families and Friends!!💕💙

    Our ONE True GOD’S LOVE 💕💙 is ETERNAL THROUGH HIS SON Jesus-Yeshua Christ Forevermore!!

    I Love you all Everyone through Jesus-Yeshua Christ, because HE LOVED 💕💙 EVERYONE FIRST!!

    Love 💕💙 Always and Shalom ( Peace ), YSIC \o/

    Kristi Ann

  2. This is beautiful, thank you for sharing.
    I’m always a bit confused about what is forgiveness. I think I’ve forgiven someone that also hurt me for many years but because this person never changes, at least until today, I don’t have trust and don’t want to be around her. I try my best to be nice, I pray for her but being around her hurts me. So I don’t know if I forgived her? I wish her to be happy but I don’t want to be part of it. It’s a complex story, I’m not even ready to write about it. But would love to know what you think…

    1. I think, and believe, that forgiveness is an everyday, moment by moment decision. We may not “feel” that we have forgiven someone but the fact that you can pray the person’s happiness is proof that you have. Keep asking Jesus to help you forgive-He’ll give you the strength.

  3. A precious testimony of your life and faith journey — so honest and humble and so much of His wonderful LIGHT shining through and through and through!!! Praise the Lord for His cup running over in your life, and my prayers for His great keeping of you as you grow as He has promised … from glory to glory…

  4. I loved reading how you came to Christ. I will NEVER cease to be amazed at how merciful and loving our God is. And the fact that He wants everyone to know Him is so wonderful, that I cannot attain to it. Beautiful words. Thanks for sharing.

  5. Dear sister in Christ, Dulcinea..

    I just felt God prompted me to read your “about” To be honest, i am amazed and your testimony touched my heart very deep. Your story become a priceless and precious lesson for my own spiritual growth. Thank you for this beautiful testimony to us. Many love and blessings to you, sis.

  6. Hi I am not sure why I never read your story before because I have been reading your blog a long time. Today your post led me to read your about page and I am so glad I ended up here. Wow! what a testimony! I really feel blessed to have read it so thank you for sharing it. Keep up the good work love your blog!

  7. THIS. IS. AWESOME! marriage has taught me a thing or two about forgivenes, too, hon. my husband n i tell ppl all the time that marriage takes as much commitment to forgiveness as it does to commitment to being in love. it’s been an awesome journey of meeting each other with grace. i know exactly what u mean, btw re: it feeling like a movie playing…God is so awesome like that…speaking to us in OUR language..whoa! i think it’s so lovely that your children also minister to u. how great is our God! this here: “but i’m not a preacher…” u never know, sis. i said that a few short months ago when asked n when i was still for long enough, God gave me a sermon title, topic, and wrote it for me…i’m still confused..lol..but i’m definitely on board with obeying 🙂

    1. You are a blessing to me this week, Sis! I think forgiveness is a huge lesson that I’ve only scratched the surface on. You know? I have things written down, that, thinking on it now, are probably sermons-I haven’t even shared them on here. It’s most likely time for me to. 😀 I love you! 😀

      1. AMEN, and amen again. i’ll find a link to a forgiveness exercise that’s helped me love others who’ve hurt me, despite their actions still having a painful effect in my life.

      2. been googling n can’t find it; i’ll probably blog about it next week and share with u, then…i’m so mad b/c i know i had a link once upon a time…ah well. ttyl!

  8. Transparency. Thank you for opening up your heart and telling your story. My prayers are to lift up you and your husband up through this seperation. I pray that the Lord wil restore that which has been seperated. May both of your hearts and those of your children draw closer and closer to the the Most High. I stand by Proverbs 22:6. God did not give me the blessing of becomig a mother for nothing. You either my dear. Keep praying and pressing on in all you think, say and do in the Lord. And when you stumble, pick yourself back up and keep going. You are a conquerer and victory IS yours already. Just claim it. God is loving and sees your heart. Lay your cares before the throne. Jesus is our Living Water I agree. Thirst no more as you draw daily from him.

    Blessings in abundance to you…….

    1. I praise GOD for your prayer! How the Holy Ghost lead you in everything you said. Thank you my new Sister, and I look forward to sharing the victory and all the work that is going on, which I haven’t written about yet. The work that is being done over the past few months is amazing and QUICK, especially the past week…whenever the timing is, I will certainly share.

      Your prayer now means so much, and spoken IN SEASON.

      AGAPE,
      Dulcinea

  9. Hodgepodge4thesoul,
    I want to thank you for this inspiring journal of your coming of age in the Lord. To see how God takes all of our past hurts and soothes our hearts comforts me for what is ahead for me. I love what you share and look forward to seeing you in cyber “blogspace”. Blessings my Sister in Christ!
    Colleen

    1. Colleen,
      Thank you so much for your encouragement. This “page” journey is not over by any means, and still so much I could put in it…I will update at a later time. But this was me being obedient, and I felt so naked when I initially posted this.
      There is such power in forgiveness, all the way around, from our sins being forgiven to forgiving each other. And I so want to be like HE is.
      Thank you again for your kind words and blessings.
      Your Sister in Christ 🙂
      Dulcinea

  10. I’m been subscribed to your blog for a while now but this is the first time I’ve read this section titled “This Sojourner”. What a wonderful read! Thanks so much for making yourself vulnerable like that and sharing your testimony. I pray that God will continue to bless you and your family and touch many lives through His work in you! Thanks again for sharing!

    1. Thank you, Andy. This was the germ for starting this blog in the first place. I had this posted on another site, and the response was very overwhelming. Vulnerable indeed. Thank you for your prayers, and the work you are involved in, I’m certain that the LORD is touching lives through you and your family. 🙂

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